The “My Garage, My Rules” Sovereign Territory T-Shirt

Because Your Opinion Means Jack Shit In My Kingdom Of Combustion*

LISTEN UP, YOU MAGNIFICENT GARAGE-DWELLING BASTARDS! This isn’t just another sh*tty shirt – it’s a middle finger to every asshole who’s ever touched your tools without permission. Featuring the kind of dad bod that says “I can fix your car AND drink your whole fucking beer supply.”

What You’re Looking at, Dipshits:

• One glorious motherfucker in his natural habitat
• Beer gut that’s seen more action than your sister’s Tinder
• Fanny pack stuffed fatter than your ex-wife’s alimony claims
• New Balance kicks whiter than HR’s response to your workplace jokes
• Khaki shorts hiked up higher than gas prices
• T-shirt tucked in tighter than a nun’s ass
• Muscle car that’s gotten more love than your first marriage

Technical Shit:

• Print quality sharper than your mother-in-law’s tongue
• Colors brighter than your project car’s future
• Design that screams “Touch my tools and lose a fucking finger”
• Comfort level that’ll make your couch jealous as fuck

Perfect For:

• Garage dictators who’d rather drink antifreeze than share tools
• Men who’ve told their kids “The socket set will inherit the house”
• Champions who consider brake cleaner an acceptable shower substitute
• Heroes who’ve turned beer-drinking into a tax-deductible skill
• Anyone who’s ever had a religious experience with a torque wrench

WARNING – Side Effects Include:

• Spontaneous outbursts of “Get the fuck outta my garage!”
• Uncontrollable urge to tell people they’re doing it wrong
• Ability to smell when someone’s bullshitting about cars
• Random fits of rage when someone reorganizes your shit
• Your spouse plotting to burn the garage down

Sizing: From “Shade Tree” to “Full-Time Tool Bastard”

Care Instructions:

• Wash it when it walks to the house by itself
• Or don’t, we don’t give a fuck
• Motor oil stains are like war medals
• If your wife can still smell the garage, you’re not done working

Pairs Best With:

• That wrench you’d save from a house fire before your phone
• Stories that start with “Listen here, you little shit…”
• More hammers than a Thor convention
• The ability to call bullshit in seven different languages
• A restraining order from AutoZone

Note: This shirt automatically gives you the right to be an asshole about proper tool maintenance. Not responsible for any fights started over proper torque specifications or missing 10mm sockets.

Achievement Unlocked When Wearing:

• Made a parts store employee cry
• Successfully identified a problem by saying “Well, there’s your fucking problem”
• Told someone their Harbor Freight tools are garbage
• Achieved nirvana through proper tool organization
• Successfully avoided your wife’s honey-do list for an entire weekend

 

Warning: This shirt speaks fluent “go fuck yourself” and advanced sarcasm. If you can’t handle either, stay the fuck out of my garage.

.: All  shirts feature pre-shrunk cotton for size retention and a signature sewn-in twill label.
.: Made using 100% U.S. cotton. 

MADE IN ‘MERICA!!!