The “Chop Wood, Carry Kids” T-Shirt

Because your life is a goddamn circus with sharp objects

Listen up, you magnificent bastards who somehow juggle chainsaws and children. This isn’t just a t-shirt – it’s a badge of honor for those of us living the dream of being both a lumberjack and a human jungle gym.

What Makes This Shirt Special?

• Soft AF cotton because your nipples deserve better after being yanked by tree branches and toddler fingers
• Built tough enough to survive both your sketchy wood-splitting technique and that time your kid wiped boogers on your shoulder
• Comes pre-stained with your dignity (just kidding, you lost that when you started making airplane noises at dinner)

Perfect for:

• Parents who say “shit” under their breath 47 times a day
• Anyone who’s used a diaper as a sawdust rag
• People whose Instagram could be titled “Dangerous Things Near My Children”
• That person who knows way too much about both axe handles and ass-wiping techniques

Ideal for those magical moments when you’re trying to explain power tool safety while simultaneously preventing your offspring from eating gravel. Because nothing says “I’ve got my shit together” like having splinters in your hands and Cheerios in your pockets.

WARNING: This shirt pairs dangerously well with dad jokes and may cause eye-rolling in teenagers.

Sizes: From “I Do CrossFit” to “I Cross The Room For Donuts”

Care Instructions: Machine wash cold, or don’t. At this point in your life, you’ve probably got bigger problems than laundry.

Note: If you get both sawdust and baby puke on this shirt, congratulations – you’ve officially peaked at parenting.

.: The tee is made with medium fabric (6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)) consisting of high quality, 100% ring-spun US cotton for long-lasting comfort.
.: The relaxed fit keeps the wearer comfy in both casual and semi-formal settings while the crew neckline delivers that classic, neat style which makes it perfect for accessorizing.
.: The pre-shrunk fabric ensures a consistently great fit. 
.: All  shirts feature pre-shrunk cotton for size retention and a signature sewn-in twill label.
.: Made using 100% U.S. cotton. 

MADE IN ‘MERICA!!!